


Is There Somewhere?

by Eurydicesflowers, princessmera



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Las Vegas, Road Trips, and some justin being alive, idk bro there's a road trip, takes place between season two and three when jesstin are Secret, there is some jessica being Jessica™, there's a broken down car and a motel stop with shrek references, there's some drama, there's some fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28874895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eurydicesflowers/pseuds/Eurydicesflowers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessmera/pseuds/princessmera
Summary: “You have to be 21 and up to play at the casino, kids. However, I’ll make an exception for the girl. She can stay." – Justin and Jessica find themselves lying to everybody they care about to play detective and take a long trip to the City of Sin. They're looking for somebody from their past, one who might just determine their entire future. But it's called Sin City for a reason – people don't go there to start life over. They go there to die.
Relationships: Jessica Davis/Justin Foley
Comments: 14
Kudos: 10





	1. Welcome To Fabulous Las Vegas

**Author's Note:**

> a fun fic because we were bored and we miss jesstin 🥺🥺🥺🥺 virginia was on fluff and i was on angst. sometimes we overlapped. creds to her for getting this whole thing going!!!!! so here is our first jesstin fic of 2021. will it be the last? who knows. probably. this fandom is dead & covid sucks ass soooooooooo. read and enjoy kiddos

“I spy with my– whatever, I’m not saying the rest of that stupid rhyme. I spy ... " Justin pauses. "Jess, there is literally nothing around to spy.” 

Jessica rolls her eyes. “Just find something!” She insists.

“Fine. Something green.” 

“You said something green last time. Be original.”

Justin goes wide eyed, glancing around their surroundings in the warm, empty terrain. “There’s only so many colors out there,” he complains. There’s a long, endless highway with very few cars that aren’t black or silver, the odd tree, a bush, birds and a township on the horizon. “Alright,” he finally decides. “I spy something... blue.” 

Jessica huffs in annoyance. “Justin, if you’re talking about the fucking sky again–” 

“It’s not the sky! Jesus. It’s something blue that _isn't_ the sky." 

“Blue…” Jessica mumbles to herself, scanning the area in front of them and drumming her fingers against the wheel. There’s no blue cars around, she thinks to herself, catching a glance in the rear view mirror. Something _blue_. She adjusts her black sunglasses and continues driving. 

“Do you give up?” Justin asks after a moment.

She hates to admit it, but begrudgingly she gives in. “Yes.” 

“It’s your nails.” Jessica glances down and laughs. He’s right. She polished her nails blue last week but by now some of the color had chipped off. “It’s a nice color on you,” he says. 

“Thanks. I like it. And it’s not just because you picked this shade out.” 

“Oh, c’mon that’s, like, the top reason you chose that polish. It was all because of me," he teases.

“Second reason," Jessica corrects. "The first is so that I can paint _your_ nails with the same color.” 

He only laughs. “Fuck yeah, that’d be awesome.” 

“You sure?” 

“Hell yes. Only because I'd pull off that color way better than you can.” 

They both laugh. “Maybe,” Jessica mumbles, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of her agreement. 

A few minutes go by before Jessica remembers how sudden of a trip this really was. “Did you text Clay?” She asks. She already called her dad an hour ago, just seconds before the drive began. She lied through her teeth easy as anything that her and Ani were having a study weekend, but much to Justin’s impatience, Mr Davis asked more questions than Jessica could give answers.

“What am I supposed to say?” Justin asks, pulling his phone out from the center console as it’s hooked up to the AUX cord of Jessica’s car. “Going to Vegas with Jessica. Don’t ask me any questions. See you in two days... Yeah,” his tone turns sarcastic, “that’ll blow over real well.” 

Jessica’s face contorts as she slows to a stop behind a turning car. “Just lie.” 

“Lie? _Lie_ ?” His face turns animated as Jessica watches from the corner of her eye. “To Matt and Laine? To _Clay_ ? Maybe you’re okay with being a criminal, Jessica, but I’m not. If I start lying about shit now they’ll never adopt me. It’s a life on the streets for me. All because of you and your deviant ways…" He scoffs again. " _Lie_. Jesus Christ." Jessica squirms in her seat, taking one hand off the steering wheel to punch him in the arm, but by the time she gets there, his hand comes up to deflect it, and her two hands are back on the wheel, a grumpy scowl settling on her lips. 

“Of course I’m gonna fucking lie,” he says. “Who do you think I am? Gandhi?” He finishes typing and drops his phone back in the centre console. “Done. Easy. If anybody asks I’m in Oakland seeing a Raiders game with Zach.”

Jessica scrunches up her face. “Is there even a game this weekend?” 

“Who cares. It’s not like Clay’s got any idea how to check that sorta shit.” 

Jessica mulls it over a second as the car picks up speed on the highway. “My dad thinks I’m sleeping over at Ani’s for the whole weekend. Hopefully she doesn’t rat me out.” 

“She won’t.” He turns in his seat and starts rummaging through the many plastic bags full of snacks and drinks in the back seat they had bought at the gas station in Evergreen.

“Babe, can you grab me-” 

“The gummy bears?”

“You know me so well.”

“I would hope so by now.” He turns back with an armful of different candies before opening up the bag of gummy bears to sit in the console. Jessica perks up as she begins picking through for the best flavors. Justin goes back to looking through the bags again.

“I think we have plenty of snacks and stuff," Jessica says. "Now what are you looking for?” 

“This.” 

Jessica takes a quick look at her boyfriend as he sits up straight in his seat again, holding a disposable camera as though it’s a prized possession. “I bought, like, three of them while you were getting the drinks,” he says. “I thought it would be sorta cool and cheesy to document our trip.” He looks down at the camera in his hands. “That way…” he continues, “when you’re an old lady and your butt sags, you’ll find these pictures tucked away in your attic or someplace and remember the crazy adventure you took with your dashingly handsome, charming and hilarious high school boyfriend.” 

“Dashingly handsome?”

“Oh yes, definitely.” 

“I’d add ‘vain’ to the list.”

Justin laughs, “okay, but make sure you add it at the end.” 

With a nod of her head and a smile on her lips, Jessica says, “Oh, I won’t forget.” Justin scrolls the wheel on the disposable camera and faces his girlfriend with the camera up to his eye. 

He snaps a photo, the flash going off as Jessica squints. “Don’t waste all the film just taking pictures of me driving.” 

“It would be worth it.” He points out winding up the wheel again as Jessica groans.

“Oh. My. God.” 

“You look so good right now, though. C'mon.” Justin continues to shower her with compliments, with his camera ready to get a shot. He takes a second photo, this time of her laughing. She’s blushing and the sun peaking through the trees lights up on her face perfectly. “Alright, I only took two photos of you. You’re welcome. We’ll save the rest for whenever.” 

He puts the camera away then grabs his phone from the center console. Then he slides open to the camera and starts a video.

“To the right of us, we have dirt, rocks, some plant life. Pretty boring shit. However, to my left..” He pans the video over to Jessica who makes a confused face at him and shakes her head and focuses back on driving. She should be used to his foolishness by now, she chuckles.

“Justin, you’re so weird.” 

“As I was saying, to my left, oh my god. To the people watching this video, prepare yourself. We have a rare sighting of my hot as fuck girlfriend. It’s a rare sighting because normally she would shove my phone out of her face, but she can’t right now because she’s driving.”

She flips him the middle finger for a brief second before settling both her hands back on the wheel.

“Fun fact everyone, in our language, that sign that she showed the camera right now, actually means ‘I love you’ ” He giggles and ends the video, putting his phone in his back pocket. 

“You’re so-”

“Amazing, thoughtful, funny and the best boyfriend you’ve ever had?”

She sighs, deciding not to say what she was going to. “Yes, and I love you.”

“I love you too.”

* * *

“We can stop for gas in, like, five,” Jessica says. “There’s a town up ahead.” She checks the time on the radio display as a Janelle Monae song blasts through the speakers. It’s almost seven. They had been driving for nearly four hours, and there was no way they were going to be able to make all nine hours overnight. Jessica was too tired. 

She glances over at Justin. “Do you think we could swap and you drive for a while? I’ve done three hours and my ass hurts from sitting so long.” When she expects him to laugh, or react, he doesn’t. She blinks at him, trying to keep her eyes on the road. “Justin?” 

His head comes up, as if he’s only now paying attention. “What? Yeah. That’s cool. Whatever.” 

Rolling her eyes, Jessica plays along. “Okay, awesome. So when we have the orgy… You’ll just watch then?” 

His face pinches red. “Wha–What? What are we…” 

Jessica smirks. “I’m screwing with you,” she says. “Did you hear anything of what I said before?” 

He nods, distracted again by something. “Yeah. Yeah, you want to stop for gas ‘cause your ass hurts.” Jessica’s brow furrows and right when she’s about to correct him on the part where he drives, Justin speaks again. 

“What the fuck is that noise?” 

“What noise?” Jessica asks, her brow furrowing as she squints through the setting sunlight peeking through the line of trees. It’s almost blinding.

“The noise,” Justin insists. “That noise, can’t you hear it?” He twists around in his seat to look at the back. He finds no source to the noise and instead puts his hand on the dashboard, desperately searching for it. 

“Jess,” he says again, slower, and to Jessica, even more frightening, “I seriously have no idea what that noise is.” 

“It’s probably just a stick or a stone under the wheel. It’s fine.” 

He waits a beat, listening nervously as his eyes dart across the long and empty road. His silence is worse than his worrying Jessica realises, then he puts her mind at ease again. His tone is direct, almost demanding. “Jess, can you pull over?” In a quieter, less concerned voice, he adds, “please,” whether it’s to be polite, or not to scare her, Jessica doesn’t know. 

“Sure.” 

She doesn’t even hesitate and drives off at the next convenient roadside area. Dust and stones fly up as the wheels hit the rough dirt, and eventually, slowly as Jessica drives, the car rumbles to a stop. But Justin doesn’t wait until it’s silent, he gets out with the ground still moving under his feet, nearly tripping as Jessica slams her foot even harder on the brakes.

She looks incredulous. “What are you doing?” She asks. He can’t hear her as he comes around to the hood. He taps the blue metal and meets Jessica’s eyes through the windscreen. 

“Pop the hood,” he requests. 

Jessica jabs the button beside the wheel with her pointer finger and watches as Justin lifts it up. She opens her door as a big black SUV zooms past on the highway. In the bright setting sunlight, she readjusts her sunglasses and makes her way to the hood of the car. 

“What is it?” She asks. 

“It’s making a weird noise,” he repeats for the thousandth time. He stares down at the engine like it’s a math test, and as always Jessica can see that he doesn’t understand. “I mean it doesn’t look like anything is wrong,” he says. 

Jessica eyes the engine. She wouldn’t know if there was something wrong with it or not, it’s not smoking and that’s all she needed to hear. “I’ll turn the car back on and see if it changes anything.” 

“Okay.” 

She goes back to the drivers side and climbs in, twisting the key in the ignition and feeling the car rumble underneath her. It stutters once. She turns the key again. It stutters twice. It rumbles and right when she thinks it’s going to start, the rumble gives out underneath and she’s sitting in silence again. 

Over the upright hood, Jessica and Justin make eye contact. 

“Jess....”

She tries again – desperately. Her fingers are almost shaking, she’s worried what this will mean if her car doesn’t start up again. Will they have to walk? Hitchhike? It’s almost dark out. As the car rumbles again, Jessica almost gets her hopes up, a relieved smile widening on her lips as Justin watches her. 

Then it gives out. Again. 

Over the sound of cars speeding past on the highway, Justin’s reaction is unmissable. “Fuck no,” he says, slamming down the hood of the car. “I swear to fucking–” he comes to Jessica’s side and she winds down her window for him to look in. Leaning back in the driver seat, Jessica watches as he turns the key in the ignition. It rumbles, then shuts off even quicker than it had the last three times she tried. 

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath. It does little to ease Jessica’s concern. 

With big eyes, she watches his face for some kind of relief. She comes up empty-handed. “Is it dead?” She asks. 

Justin only nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s dead.” His eyes scan the dash. “Jess,” he warily begins, and she can sense whatever he is about to say won’t put her at any more ease. “How long has your check engine light been on?” 

She shrugs, backing into her seat. “I don’t know. A while.” His eyes come down to meet hers with a double meaning behind them. Seeing his glare she easily puts two and two together. “My dad deals with all that stuff and he hasn’t been home in a month, okay? Not my fault.” 

Eventually Justin smiles, which does a lot to ease not only her worry, but now her guilt too. “Okay,” he says. “I won’t blame you. Besides, it might not even be the engine. I think it’s the battery.” With a long winded sigh, he rasps his fingers across the edge of her window. “Alright, well, we can’t just sit here and do nothing. A sex cult might find us and eat us.” 

Jessica’s brow furrows. “I don’t think they’re cannibals,” she says. “But you’re right. I can call for help. I think I’ve got, like, two bars of signal out here.” 

“That’s more than I have. Thanks.” He leans in to kiss her forehead, and Jessica tilts her head, thinking he’s going for her lips. When she misses she decides just to take out her phone and dial for help. Wandering around to the passenger side, Justin leans against the door, listening to Jessica’s voice carry in the air by the highway. 

She talks and talks. At one point calling out and asking him the name of the next town, and the name of the highway they were currently stranded on. Justin glances around as cars zoom past. Were they not stranded with a broken down car he surmised that it might be quite an enjoyable vista. Alas, as he runs his hands over his face in frustration, it’s not enjoyable at all. 

Jessica eventually climbs out, slamming the door behind her and coming to stand beside him. “We’ll be okay,” she says, comforting herself more so than him. “They said they’ll be here in, like, 20 minutes or less. But until then…” She steps out in front of him, holding up the disposable camera to her eye. 

“Say ‘cheese,’” she sings out. 

Breaking into a smile, he strikes a ridiculous pose against the car making them both laugh as she snaps his photo. “You’re cute,” she says with a giggle. Leaning in, she presses a quick kiss to his lips. “Not as cute as me, though,” she whispers. 

“Of course not,” Justin agrees with a smile. “I could never be.” 

She places the camera on the hood, moving closer to him standing against the car. His hands slip around her waist as her lips cling to his for support. She can feel him smiling, nearly chuckling as she runs her tongue teasingly against his bottom lip. A hand comes up and knots itself in her hair, holding her in the one place, her lips and his own connected passionately. 

A car zooms past, the driver slamming their hand on the centre of the wheel, letting out a long, brass honk at them. Jessica doesn’t see the person, whether it’s a man or woman, young or old. She doesn’t care. Her hand comes up and she sticks up her middle finger at the passersby. 

“Assholes,” she mutters.

Justin chuckles against her lips. “Yeah. Assholes.” 

Jessica pouts her bottom lip. “Less talk,” she mumbles, putting a forefinger to her pout, “more kisses while we wait.”

* * *

“Your battery is dead,” the repairwoman says. Her hands are on her hips, she’s looking unimpressed with the current situation. “I can tow you into town and fix up the car first thing in the morning. A battery replacement isn’t too pricey. You’re in luck.” 

Jessica scoffs. “I wouldn’t call this luck,” she mutters. 

“You’ll be alright, kids,” the woman says. “Hop in my truck and I’ll tow you into town. It’s only a few minutes away.” 

The three of them pile into the truck with Jessica slamming the door shut until the vehicle shakes, then crossing her arms in a frustrated huff. Justin gives her a look and she rolls her eyes “The door was heavy.” she tells him with a hint of attitude in her tone. 

And it was true, the door _was_ heavy. That, and that Jessica was currently irritable about even the smallest of inconveniences. She was cold. Her car needed a new battery, and all she wanted to do right now was sleep. 

Once the woman starts her truck it rumbles into start and Jessica discerns that even though they’re towing her car, the drive doesn’t feel any different – no heavier, there is no strain. 

“The name’s Jolene,” their driver says. 

Justin’s expression brightens excitedly. “Like the song?” He asks. With a strange look, she nods. “Nice,” he says. “I like it.” 

As Jessica’s eyes are fixated out the window, in the now dark evening sky, Justin begins creating an elaborate story about why they’re headed to Las Vegas. “And it’s not to get _married_ ,” he loudly insists, surprising Jolene. “I just think that shit’s kinda cheesy.” 

Jessica feels Justin’s hand on her knee and glances down. He flips his hand over and waits. A couple seconds go by before she decides to hold his hand in her own, and when he rubs his thumb softly against hers, the irritable feeling in her chest starts to alleviate.

Once they’ve arrived in town Jolene begins listing off all the places where she could drop them off. After many communicative glances to Jessica, Justin suggests the motel. 

He leans closer to whisper. “And we can order room service or something.”

Jessica’s smile lights up. “Milkshakes?”

“Totally.” 

Jolene drops them off at the motel, telling them that bright and early tomorrow they’ll have a brand new car battery to finish their trip. Saying goodbye, Justin grabs their necessary bags and items from the car, handing them off to Jessica as he thanks Jolene. Jessica slaps on a tired smile once everything is with them, saying nothing as Justin waves the truck off. 

“Well,” he sighs, “that was interesting, right Jess?”

She smacks her lips together. “Yup,” she says, her energy slipping away as quickly as her patience. “Can we just go in? I want to sleep.” 

Justin insists on snatching all the bags from her hands, relieving her of some exhaustion. The motel is unassuming. They’re both sure that neither would ever suspect it was a motel, were it not for the flashing vacancy sign out the front. Once in the lobby Jess slumps down in the first chair she sees. Justin drops all the bags at her feet to watch over as he goes to the front desk, tapping the bell for a receptionist. 

As far as motels go, this one was rather nice. Justin had stayed in far worse ones before, so he deemed it a surprising upgrade. The receptionist comes to their aid, wearing a name tag with ‘Cory’ on it. He offers Justin a friendly wave, asking if they’d like a room and if so, for how many nights. Justin’s answer is quick and easy, the motel stay for one night is rather cheap in fact. He takes his wallet out to pay, knowing that ever since he had moved in with the Jensens, Matt and Laine have been giving him an allowance every week for doing chores like cleaning the dishes and things like that, things he had to do for nothing back when he lived with his mother – simply because there was nobody else to do it.

He never spent any of his allowance from the Jensen’s because in the back of his mind somewhere there is still a part on high alert, a part that has to be ready to just pack up and leave at barely a moment’s notice. Living with his mom and her dangerous string of boyfriends – especially Meth Seth – had left him paranoid.

Cory clears his throat. “Sir?” 

“Oh, right,” Justin’s head jerks up. “Sorry.” He pays for the room, sliding his allowance money across the table and putting his wallet into his back pocket. 

“You guys have room service right, like, milkshakes and stuff?” Cory nods his head as he hands over the room key. Justin clicks his tongue, glancing over the name-tag again just for safe measure. “Awesome, thanks Cory.” 

“No problem.” 

Justin slides the room key off the front desk then snatches up his and Jessica’s bags where she is peacefully waiting with her eyes struggling to stay open. “Yo, sleepy head,” he calls. “Wake up, they’ve got room service.” 

Jessica does her best to smile. “Great. Do they have comfortable beds?” 

Justin shakes his head. “Absolutely not. You have to sleep on the floor.” 

Scrunching up her nose, Jessica matches his sarcastic response with a pout. “You have a stupid face,” she tiredly retorts. Justin throws her the room key and she somehow manages to catch it midair, smiling in victory. 

“Nice catch.” 

Jessica bows at the compliment. “Thank you.” 

With only the room key in her hand, Jessica makes it up the stairs a lot faster than Justin as he’s carrying both their bags. “You know, Jess,” he starts as she unlocks the door, “we’re only here for the weekend so you didn’t have to pack so much _shit_.” To emphasise his point he heaves her bag through the open door, feigning the weight of it just to get on her nerves.

Jessica shoves in the door stopper and sighs. “I know that,” she says, walking over to take the bags from him, then pulling them aside. Justin automatically puts his hands on her waist as he waits for her to continue. “The day before we left I decided I _really_ wanted to go shopping with Ani.” One hand travels to the back of his head, gently playing with his hair while the other rests on his chest. She begins leaving light kisses along his neck, her voice getting softer and softer as she teases him. “And we picked out a few things. I think it’s all pretty _interesting_. I think you’ll love them.” His grip on her waist tightens slightly as she teases him more, kissing his face and his jaw. She finds it so fun to mess with him. She finds it so easy.

“I picked out this really cute picture frame,” she says with an innocent smile, “for Ani and–” she tries to keep a straight face but bursts into laughter as she watches her boyfriend’s face go through a million emotions in a few seconds. 

“A picture frame?” 

Jessica smiles. “Just because I went to a sex shop with Ani one time that doesn’t mean we shop there for every single time we go to the mall. Real classy, babe.”

She watches Justin struggle to string together words enough to form a sentence as she walks both their bags inside their room with Justin close behind. “I’m sorry.” he manages to say, closing the door and twisting the lock until it clicks into place.

“I forgive you,” Jessica says with a smile. “It’s just _so_ easy to mess with you.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” 

Jessica blows him a kiss and discards their bags by the bed. “Also, Ani and I actually did go to a sex shop last week,” she tells him. “And I did buy her a nice picture frame. Yes, I did buy things and I even brought them here.” Justin grins while laying down on the bed. Jess rolls her eyes as she takes off her shoes. “I’m going to take a shower,” she decides, before quickly noticing Justin sit up on the bed. “By myself this time.” She watches as he slumps back down with a pout. “So, while I do that, can you order the milkshakes– and food. Then after that and after watching a movie that _I_ choose – Me, meaning not you and your if we’re both not asleep… we can maybe try some things out.” Before she lets him get too comfortable with the implication, Jessica comes to her own defense. “But we _have_ to finish the movie because last time we tried watching something you distracted me. Cheater.” 

“The rest of the movie was shitty anyways, you weren’t missing anything. The bad guys lost and the heroes won. Big shocker there.” Justin crawls along the bed till he’s behind her. He watches as Jessica grabs the things she’ll need for her shower. She takes her pajamas too before sitting back up with everything in her arms. “The movie was boring,” he tells her matter-of-factly. “I saved you from having to watch the last half...” he continues talking, not wanting her to leave yet. 

They both had to relax. It had been a stressful day with Jessica’s car breaking down and the entire purpose of the trip itself. That was stress enough on them both. Besides, they had managed not to get into a huge fight, which was surprising seeing they’d been in that car for so long. The only argument they had was about what music to play, and even it had only lasted a minute or two. Jessica seemed to be biting her tongue, and Justin was doing the same, so he thought they deserved this.

Justin massages Jessica’s shoulders as he watches her eyes close. Not even a minute later he stops and rubs her back gently. He moves her hair to the side as he kisses her shoulder through her t-shirt then works slowly up the side of her neck. Justin thinks after a few seconds, Jess will eventually tell him to stop or go back to the massage. Instead, she leans back into him, not saying a word and he takes that as a sign to work on the other side. As he does he lamely attempts to help her move the stuff from her arms to the bed. Jessica turns to face him and they kiss, messily. Her fingers in his hair as she lays down and brings Justin with her while he takes off her shirt. He deepens the kiss as his hands move along her body. Then he starts peppering kisses along her chest but before he can further down, Jess quietly calls him back up for one more kiss. After a few seconds, Justin goes back to what he was doing before. He makes it farther and unbuckles her jeans then lightly kisses her just below her bellybutton. Jess swears and stretches causing her one of her bottles to fall off the bed. Her eyes snap open as if awakened from the trance-like state she was in and she sits up quickly. Justin’s head snaps up, confused.

“Crap, you distracted me. Again.” She groans and leans over the side of the bed to pick up the bottle, waving it at him. “I have to shower.”

“What? I- babe,” he shakes his head fast. “I didn’t mean to, well- No no no no no…” He quickly says, moving closer to her. Justin takes the bottle from her and puts back on the ground. Jess motions to the bottle and gives him a look. His hands go to each side of her face. She kisses the inside of his palm. “Yes yes yes yes yes.” Jessica mocks, placing her hands on Justins. She nods her head at her boyfriend, while she tries to stay serious. But it’s difficult while he’s looking at her with sad eyes and pouty lips.

“Don't give me that look.” 

He sighs and takes his hands from her face. And for a moment he considers what Jess just told him. But he doesn't agree.

She squeals as he wraps his arms around her, laying her down again. Justin kisses her face everywhere as she fails to cover her face in time. He mumbles a quick ‘no’ after every single kiss is scattered. Justin flips them over so now he’s the one laying down on his back and connects their lips. “Shower later.” he suggests while his thumb moves one bra strap down. When Jessica says nothing, Justin looks up at her as he places his hand on the back of her neck. 

“Jess, I just want to cuddle with you for, like, five minutes. Five minutes.” His eyes glance down at her lips then her eyes again.

She smirks as he brings her down. “Cuddling means no kissing, remember?”

“That’s a dumb rule.” 

Her eyes roll. “Shut up.”

They make out, no cuddling and nothing more than kissing, for a bit longer than five minutes. Justin has to keep stopping himself from unclasping Jessica’s bra which she finds hilarious because she can tell every time. “Okay, time to stop.” she tells him as they pull apart. Justin opens his mouth to protest but Jess interrupts him. “No. Shut up. No more.”

She gets off the bed and gathers all her things again for her shower, again. “You need to order the milkshakes. Then we’re going to enjoy a whole-ass movie without distractions. And after that maybe – and I mean _maybe –_ we’ll try out what I bought. So, don’t get too excited. I might be too tired. Then you’ll just have to be patient.”

Justin says nothing, only nodding in agreement, lest anything he say changes her mind this early on. He reaches to the bedside table and picks up the menu, looking through it.

“The shakes!” he hears her remind him from the locked bathroom door. 

“I'm calling about them right now!”

Cory answers the phone and Justin asks the receptionist if room service is still available this late at night. As it happens, room service was still available for the next half hour so Justin orders two milkshakes and proceeds to tell Cory he’ll have the cash ready when the milkshakes arrived. After hanging up the phone, Justin mindlessly searches for something to watch on the local motel TV. 

It was no secret that Jessica always takes long showers, so Justin bets that he can finish two episodes of any cable show by the time she's done. He manages to watch half an episode of The Office before the milkshakes arrive and when he opens the door it’s not Cory standing there but another worker. He pays and takes the two shakes before locking the door. And exactly as Justin suspects he's able to finish two episodes by the time Jessica walks out in her pyjamas.

“You waited for me?” she asks, wrapping her hair up with a towel.

“Don’t act so surprised. I'm not that mean.”

Jessica grabs the remote, sitting on the bed and searching for movies to watch while Justin takes the milkshakes out of the freezer. He puts them on the table, not wanting his hands to go numb as Jessica takes a million years to pick out a movie. As much as she likes to take long showers, she also gets very indecisive on what to watch. Last time he had given up on waiting all night for her to choose and picked the first movie he saw. It was a terrible choice and it only got worse as it went on, so even though Jessica wanted to see it through to the end, Justin had a much better idea.

A couple minutes go by and Justin has begun drinking his shake while Jessica is still focused on scrolling and scrolling.

“Oh, okay, what about-”

“No pixar movies Jess, please.”

“Just because you cried watching _Coco,_ doesn’t mean all Pixar movies will make you cry.”

“You make it sound like only I cried. You did too. So fuck it, I’m not watching that movie again.”

Jessica kisses his cheek. “You poor thing. At least it was a happy ending though. Could've been much worse."

Eventually by the time Jessica picks the movie they've both finished their shakes. “Really?" Justin asks. "You want to watch Shrek?”

“If I can stomach watching your stupid action movies with way too much gore in them and then binge watching the _entire_ series of Game of Thrones with you,” she pokes his chest, “ _you_ can watch this with me.” 

“I’ve only seen it once.”

“What, really?”

He shrugs. “Yeah.” 

Jessica gasps, sitting up in bed. “Babe. If we’re going to continue dating, you’re going to need to get this movie memorized. It’s a classic.”

Justin makes a weird face at her but gets her to lay back down. “Fine, let’s get comfortable first.”

She turns on her side and continues talking. “Shrek is a classic, but honestly Shrek 2 is the meat musically. Sequels are mostly always better than the first–"

"Since fucking when? I've never even heard of that being a thing."

Jessica makes a face. "Since Shrek 2 came out, obviously. And I can’t really give you an opinion on the 3rd Shrek because I only watched that once. I heard there’s a 4th one too. It's completely different–"

Justin grabs the pillow his head is resting on and covers his face. “What the actual fuck.” his muffled voice replies.

Jessica pushes him away from her with a pout. “I’m starting the movie, shut up.” After a few seconds the opening plays and Justin uncovers his face and puts the pillow back. When Shrek first starts, Jessica is curled up with him but as the movie goes on she starts mouthing the words. Eventually, she’s sitting up in bed and dramatically reciting the lines along with sweeping arm movements.

For most of the movie Justin isn’t even watching the screen but Jessica instead. Each time she notices she tells him to watch the movie before quickly delivering the next line. By the time the credits roll Jessica is looking at him with a smile on her face, trying to guess his reaction.

“So. What did you think?”

He grabs the remote and turns off the tv. “It was pretty good.” he tells her and watches her small smile turn into a grin. “And now that you’ve made me sit through your stupid dance moves, I think now we should...” 

“Go to bed? Of course.” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait... What about-” 

She nearly tries to play dumb, but she's too tired to keep it up just for a short moment of entertainment. “Justin, it’s past midnight and we have to be up in a few hours.”

"That’s never stopped you before.” 

She rolls her eyes. “I like to keep you on your toes. It keeps the magic alive."

"What magic? What the fuck? I thought we were gonna–" 

Jessica laughs. “I can’t with you, oh my god. You’re hilarious. But we have to sleep.” She feels his hand on her leg and rolls her eyes. “Move your hand.”

He moves his hand.

“I meant above the blanket, idiot. _Both_ hands.”

This time he listens, reluctantly. “Okay.” He sighs and kisses her quickly. Justin reaches over and turns off the lamp, Jessica does the same on her side. 

“Goodnight.” 

“Night.”

Justin tosses and turns all night as he struggles to sleep. His thoughts keep him awake as he stares at the midnight black ceiling. Mostly he dreams up different scenarios that might happen when they get to Las Vegas, what he'll say and what he'll do.

When Jessica sent him that blurry video of a news reporter in a Vegas hotel, talking about a robbery with the most familiar person he had ever seen in the background. It was enough that even Jessica, with her face buried in her phone on the couch beside her dad, had noticed the familiarity of the woman. It was so striking that she sent that video to Justin the moment it happened and by last period Friday afternoon she was practically begging him to go to Vegas – to take a risk and drive the distance. Because even if it wasn’t who they thought, even if their road trip was just some dumb coincidence in the search of a look-alike… It was a weekend that they could spend together. Without stares, without people knowing their history, without anybody whispering behind their backs. And he thinks that maybe he doesn't actually want to be doing this... Maybe he just wants to get away from Evergreen. Maybe he wants some of his past to finally have a conclusion, instead of this open-ended question that nobody has the answer to. 

He's not really sure why he's going to Vegas. It feels like self-sabotage. It feels like–

"Hey, babe, wake up." His eyes snap open and Jessica is standing over the bed, fully dressed with a cup of coffee. "You look like shit," she deadpans, adding a smile on the end so he knows it's not a real insult. 

"I didn't sleep well." 

Jessica clicks her tongue. "That bed was not comfortable. It was like sleeping on concrete." 

"Right," Justin agrees with a strained laugh. He sits up in bed and Jessica offers him the cup of coffee in her hands. It doesn't feel as he expects. "Why is it only half full?" 

Jessica shrugs. "My thanks for letting you sleep in this late." 

"You don't even drink coffee. It makes you fucking hyper and shit." 

She pouts. "Well they didn't have anything else." When he breaks out into a smile, she pecks him on the lips. When they're close enough she glares. "Hurry up. I wanna leave soon." 

The clock on the bedside table reads 9AM and it's a four hour trip to Vegas from the motel. Jessica tells him of the traffic she expects, and how they need more food.

"Oh," she adds onto the end of her caffeine fuelled ranting, "and you're driving 'cause I drove yesterday. And also I've drunk so much coffee I can't focus my eyes on anything." She blinks at him, and he tries not to laugh. 

"Sure. And I'll even let you play your music 'cause I'm the nicest. I'm the fucking best." Jessica just rolls her eyes at him, trying not to smile. "You should marry me." 

She juts out her chin with annoyance. "Not in Vegas," she says. 

He shrugs. "Well, at least if we do, my mom will be there. And I bet she'll be high off her fucking face." 

Jessica frowns. "Maybe she's clean," she offers. "You don't know. Vegas is the city of second chances." 

Justin scoffs a bitter laugh. "Vegas in the City of Sin. It's a city for people who wanna spend the rest of their days drinking, shooting up and fucking all their money into the ground. I wouldn't believe she's clean for second. Not in a million fucking years." Then he stares at Jessica with a look of ridicule. "And if she is clean, for real, well then she's fucking dead to me anyway. You don't abandon your kid to get clean... You're supposed to get clean _for_ them."

Jessica flashes him a levelled look. "Justin, you don't drive 10 hours to a city you think that lowly of, for someone who's dead to you. You don't drive all that way with the firm belief that she's gonna tell you something you don't wanna hear. I know you want her to be clean. You don't have to admit it – not to me. But once you admit it to yourself, then maybe it'll make the whole thing easier." 

Was Jessica right? Did he really expect her to be clean? To have some brand new life like he did? He just refused to admit that his hopes were that high. Because hope was like heroin, once you get that high, the fall is worse than anything else in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part two coming soon
> 
> let us know if we did good.
> 
> ((also new episode of Euphoria. be there or die by my sword.)
> 
> (I ship Rue with SOBRIETY!!) -Virginia


	2. Sam's Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't even checked this for spelling mistakes. imma do it tomorrow. but i finally finished it after a million days of depression and procrastination. enjoy. and thank you virginia for all your hard work and helping to make such a fun story. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The afternoon streets of Las Vegas aren’t nearly as busy as they would be at night. Jessica winds down her window in the passenger seat, her eyes darting from building to building, flashing light to flashing light. There are a hundred signs down the Las Vegas strip, flashing with bright colored bulbs as if someone were shouting just inches away from her face. 

Jessica slumps back into her seat. “Jesus,” she mutters. “What was the name of the place again?” 

Justin carefully watches as he drives past every building. “It was something like Sam’s Town, or maybe Out of Towns. No, I think it’s Sam’s Town.” 

Jessica manages a slow nod. “Sam’s Town sounds familiar.” She takes her phone out from the centre console. “I’ll google it, and then we don’t have to drive around for hours searching.” She glances over at Justin from the corner of her eye. He’s stopped looking for the bar. His eyes are fixed straight ahead on the street in nervous focus. She presses her lips together. “Is that okay?” She asks, mostly just to get a response. 

He nods, coming out of some kind of fixated trance. “Yeah,” he manages, “Yeah. I mean, it might not even matter. It won’t open ‘till, like, five, and who knows if she’s even working tonight, right? Maybe we’re completely in over our heads with this. I don’t know why–”

“Oh my God,” Jessica complains, “I did not sit in this car for almost ten hours just for you to bail as soon as we get to Vegas.” With the phone in her hand she gestures loosely. “If she’s not working tonight we’ll ask around and find out where she is working. We’re not giving up that easily.” 

When Justin doesn’t look like he’s that committed, Jessica sits up and pokes her finger into his arm. “The sooner we do this the sooner we can enjoy this place,” she says. “Don’t you wanna enjoy it? Don’t you wanna kiss me under the Vegas sign and then sneak into a fancy-ass casino to fuck in the giant bathroom?” 

Justin smiles. “Okay. Deal. But I get to choose the casino _and_ the bathroom.” 

Jessica claps her hands in victory. “Deal.” 

She sets up the navigation on her phone and props it back up. It’s not nearly as far away as she expected, it’s in an area with a lot less tourist attention, a few miles out of the city. If her stomach is in knots right now, she doesn’t even want to imagine how Justin is feeling. 

They drive through the city streets, full of colorful characters and big sweeping casinos and hotels. The voice on Jessica’s phone barks orders at them. Turn left. Turn right. Go ahead. 15 miles up the road. Follow the motorway. And finally: _you have arrived at your destination on the left_.

They sit in the parking lot for ten minutes. The sign that reads ‘Sam’s Town Hotel and Gambling Hall’ looks like it needs a decent refurbishing, with the orange paint peeling off and the old-timey theme of it all. It reminds Jessica of one of those old western bars. It’s a big place, a hotel for hundreds of guests, almost like a deluxe mansion. There are fountains and parking lots for miles. For a city located in the desert, there sure is a nice amount of green. 

Jessica clears her throat. “Not much of a town here is it? A ghost town maybe.” She tries to lighten the mood but her joke falls flat. She takes a peek at Justin. He’s scanning the face of every person inside the building, specifically the workers. Jessica guesses he doesn’t see Amber as his eyes fall back down to his phone, his leg begins bouncing but the screen is black. 

“Do you know the song?” He asks her, the only thing he has said in all ten minutes they’ve been sitting here. “Sam’s Town. It’s a whole album, actually. It’s by the Killers.” He blinks, glancing up at the sign. “I thought I recognised the name from somewhere.” 

Jessica nods her head. “I think I know the song.” 

He turns on his phone and goes searching for Sam’s Town in his music library. Jessica watches, her annoyance beginning to heighten. Was he really just putting this off even more? He had found another excuse to sit in the car for five more minutes. 

The first few bars of the song play before Jessica snatches his phone from his hands. “I know the song,” she says. “But if we don’t go inside now, we’ll never go. You’re only gonna psych yourself out more the longer we sit here.” When he looks unsure, Jessica tilts her head with a compassionate frown. “I’ll do it,” she offers. “I’ll ask around.” 

“No,” Justin decides, a hesitant sigh following his words. “I’ll do it.” He sits for a second, still hesitating, working up the courage, “Alright,” he finally says, “let's go in there.” They unbuckle their seatbelts and close the doors. Jessica reaches for Justin's hand, her best attempt to reassure him. They pass one of the many fountains and the empty car spaces until they're standing outside the sliding automatic glass doors of Sam's Town.

Once they’re inside, the two are immediately met by the overwhelmingly strong stench of cigarettes and noisy chatter. “This place is… something.” Jessica says as she looks around. There’s a small diner attached to the left of the building, right across from the spot they parked. In front of them sits a receptionist desk, manned by a not-so-friendly looking man, staring down a mountain high stack of paperwork. Then to their right sits the lines and clusters of gambling machines. 

“Do you think we’ll find Sam here?” Justin asks with a smile as he points to the sign attached to the front desk. 

Jessica quietly chuckles, shrugging her shoulders to say she isn’t quite sure. “I dunno, but we do need to find a manager or something.” 

Justin points to the man at the front desk and Jessica gives him a go-ahead nod. Slow and shy, they take a few steps to approach him as he’s writing down notes with grunts and complaints under his breath. When he doesn’t notice the two, Jessica clears her throat.

With barely a glance, the man grumbles at them. “You have to be 21 and up to play at the casino, kids.” He gruffly says. “However, I’ll make an exception for the girl. She can stay. Sorry pal.” 

“I’m don’t wanna gamble in your stupid casino,” Jessica snaps. 

But before things can get out of hand, Justin intervenes. “We’re not here for that,” he says. “We’re looking for someone. An employee. Do you know everybody who works at this casino?” 

The man nods, his head rising. “Sure. What can I do for you?” 

Justin turns his phone around to show the owner a picture of Amber. “Does this woman look familiar?” He asks. 

The man squints as he appraises the photo. “That’s Sarah,” he eventually says. “Yeah, she works here. Her shift starts around, uh, ten. Tonight.” He’s a bulky man, not well-dressed for a gambling hotel as extravagant as this one. His skin is thickly layered with oil, glowing under the yellow ceiling lamps. It’s enough to make Jessica stand a few steps behind, her hands tightly locked onto Justin’s out of nervousness. The gambler’s hotel isn’t even a popular one, it’s local. It’s not for tourism, so there is far less security, and far less comforting onlookers. 

Eyeing Justin and Jessica, the man’s brow furrows. “What’s it for?” He asks. “You aren’t narcs, are you?” 

Jessica’s eyes flick across to see Justin’s reaction. He barely reacts, she almost finds it scary. “No, we’re not narcs,” he says. “She’s – Sarah – she’s um…” 

“– she’s his sponsor,” Jessica lies. “One week clean.” She offers the man a proud smile, tugging on Justin’s sleeve. “Isn’t that right, baby?” 

Justin nods. “Yeah,” he lies. “She’s my sponsor.” He clicks the button on his phone and it flicks to black, then he shoves it in his back pocket. “We’ll come back around ten. Don’t tell her we were here. I want it to be a surprise.” He flashes the man a smile, so friendly and so genuine, Jessica almost gets swept up in the lie too. She tugs on his hand that they can go and the man quickly goes back to what he was doing at the front desk, tidying papers and filing away room keys on various hooks. 

As they walk out, she pulls Justin closer. “See,” Jessica says, “it wasn’t _that_ bad.” 

Justin scoffs. “That was the easy part. It’s gonna be much worse once we actually see her.” He pushes open the glass doors, walking out of the casino.

“It’s going to be fine,” Jessica assures him. “What’s the worst that could happen?” 

He shrugs with indignance. “I don’t know, Jess,” his voice is bitter and dripping with disdain. “She could ask me to move to Vegas with her. Or better yet – leave the country.” 

Jessica eyes him, two steps ahead of her and every time she tries to catch up he just starts walking faster. “You wouldn’t move though, right? I mean… you wouldn’t leave the Jensen’s. You wouldn’t leave Liberty.” The next part comes out in barely a whisper. “You wouldn’t leave me.” 

Justin turns back to her, his feet still walking as he heads to the car. “I’m not moving anywhere,” he assures her. “It’s just gonna be hard to tell her no ‘cause…” As he trails off Jessica’s able to string together a rather good idea of where his head is.

“‘Cause she’s your mom, and it’s not like she has anybody else.” 

They reach the car and all Justin can give her is a belated sigh. “Yeah. And I know firsthand how easy it is to get hurt over that. Once you get addicted, Jess, you don’t need a reason to use. You just take every one you can find ‘cause it’s easier that way. It makes you feel less responsible.” 

Jessica stares. “I thought you didn’t like to talk about that stuff with me.” 

All he can offer her is a casual shrug. “I’m not.” Then he opens the drivers door, and Jessica is left staring at where he was. The Vegas parking lot where he was honest with her for the first time about something that left her with more questions than she would ever get answers for. 

When she climbs in beside him, she’s smart enough to know not to press for anymore answers. Now isn’t the time. In fact the time may be never, but she isn’t quite sure whether she wants answers. 

“So, what are we gonna do for the next few hours?” She asks. “I’m not waiting around in this parking lot for a minute longer. You better boyfriend up. Or I’m gonna complain the whole ten hours back.” 

Justin breaks out into a smile. “Okay,” he says. “Okay we can… I don’t know. What do you wanna do? We’ll do whatever you want.” 

What Jessica wanted was to distract him. If he wasn’t enjoying this, then neither was she. And if everything went wrong with him and his mom, it was Jessica who would have to pick up the pieces, and those were sharp pieces. They didn’t glue back together very easily. 

“We’re going to enjoy Vegas like I suggested. First, we’ll grab some food because I’m starving then do a bunch of stupid tourist shit, like take so many photos. We’ll kiss under the Vegas sign and for the grand finale...” she drums the dashboard for a few seconds then stops, “we’ll fuck in a really nice and fancy casino bathroom of your choice. Maybe even more than one bathroom if we still have time. Then we’ll drive back here and see what your mom’s been up to on her mysterious disappearing act. Then we can stay the night in Vegas and go home tomorrow.” 

“Alright,” Justin says, “sounds good to me.” He starts the car and soon they’re driving again, first to the closest drive thru – a burger place, and while Justin is waiting for the car in front of them to pull up, he wonders if his mom has eaten here before. Does she prefer the drive thru over going inside or has she never thought of going to this place? The car moves up so Justin follows, rolling down the window and taking the warm bag filled with burgers and fries. He’s tired of his head reeling with thoughts so he asks Jessica a question to distract himself. 

“Would you rather have to eat nothing but burgers and fries for the rest of your life, or never be able to eat junk food ever again?” 

As Jessica digs through the bag of food, her face contorts. “What kind of fucking question is that? Obviously I wouldn’t eat it ever again… Wait,” her head comes up like a deer in headlights. “Does chocolate count as junk food?” 

Justin nods. “In this scenario, and every other.” 

Under her breath she whispers, “fuck,” then she sighs. “I’m still gonna go with my choice. But either way it’s gonna be a short ass life. A life without chocolate is no life at all.” 

Justin laughs. “If you insist.” 

Rummaging through the bag, Jessica picks out fries to eat. “My turn,” she says, her mouth full until she swallows to continue. “Would you rather… be hot and stupid, or smart and ugly?” 

Without missing a beat, Justin shrugs. “Being hot and stupid is already working pretty well for me. I like watching you try and explain math to me.”

Jessica rolls her eyes. “You’re not supposed to find the questions relatable,” she argues.

“Well then don’t ask me stupid questions we already know the answer to.” 

“Fine,” she sighs. “Would you rather only ever have kinky sex, or only ever have romantic sex?” 

After a belated moment of silence, Justin answers. “Kinky.” 

Jessica snorts a laugh under her breath. “Predictable.” 

“Really? Well what would you have said?” 

Jessica shrugs. “Kinky, too. Obviously.” 

“Then if both of us want it to be kinky doesn’t that make it kind of romantic?”

Jessica makes a face. “Only _you_ would see it that way.” 

He laughs. “Okay, it’s my turn.” Up ahead the famous Las Vegas sign is almost in view. “Would you rather walk in on your parents having–” 

“Ew, Justin! I should have known you would make it gross after that.” She playfully hits his arm and he just laughs again. 

“–would you rather walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on us?” 

“I hate this question. Very much. Ugh... I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?! Jess, we just agreed it was going to be kinky. _Kinky_.” 

She groans. “I never thought I would be asked this so it’s not like I could prepare an answer.” She covers her face with her hands. “So, both my parents walk in?”

“Yes. And you’re your probably choking me, or I’m–” 

“I don’t need descriptions, Justin,” she insists. “I’d rather walk in on my parents. I feel sick but... If I could choose just one parent and not have them both walk in, then I’d choose my mom.”

Justin is perplexed. “Your mom?” He repeats.

“Would you rather my dad? Do you not remember the lecture he gave us when he caught us just making out? He’d kill us both, I’m so sure of it. My mom would awkwardly leave the room then later she’d try to have a conversation with me about it, like, be safe, use protection. She wants to be a _cool mom_ since dad’s the strict parent.”

“Jesus, alright…” He tries not to laugh as she’s still picturing walking in on her parents and grimacing. “We’re here.” 

He parks the car for them to get out. Jessica grabs the disposable camera from the backseat as she closes her door. There’s a small group of tourists taking pictures with the sign so it isn’t too bad. She takes one of Justin and in return he takes one of her. Beside them an elderly couple offers to take photos of them together, muttering about how unflattering these so-called selfies can be. They pose normally first, with Justin’s hand on Jessica’s back and her leaning into him. For the next one she quickly whispers that they should kiss, and amid the embarrassment of being watched, he simply pecked her on the cheek. 

“You can do better than that, boy,” the old woman calls, making Justin’s face turn red. 

“Yeah, Justin,” Jessica whispers, nudging him with her shoulders. Justin shrugs his shoulders because he suddenly doesn’t know what to do. She leans in close to him. “What’s wrong? Are you camera shy?” 

Not wanting to take her teasing a second longer, Justin kisses her, the abruptness of it all making Jessica giggle as she tries to hold the kiss. The older couple cheer and clap causing the two of them to giggle in humiliation more so than entertainment. Jessica takes the camera back, forcing Justin to say thank you and walk her back to the car. 

“Shit,” she laughs, her grin wide as she teases him, “they were so cute! And your face turned all red ‘cause they were calling you out…” Jessica squeals. “I know, I know. I’ll shut up. They were cute though.” 

He opens the door for her and walks over to his side. “Was my face really _that_ red?” He asks, grimacing at the thought.

“Bright red,” Jessica insists. “I can’t wait to see what we’ll look like.”

Justin only frowns. “God, I hate old people sometimes.” He climbs inside as they both put their seatbelts on. He starts the car and they’re off with Jessica looking up ‘tourist things to do in Las Vegas for free’ then she does a double take and types ‘for cheap’ 

“My treat,” she jokes.

“A whole five dollars?” He mocks. “Best girlfriend ever.” 

She grins. “You love it.” 

* * *

  
  


The young man at the front desk of the Four Seasons Vegas hotel was dressed in a suit and tie. Behind him were the keys to every room in the sprawling, giant hotel. Jessica’s eyes scanned them one by one. 

“All right,” she whispers to Justin, “I’ll go up and flirt with the guy behind the desk. You just wait here and don’t bring any attention to yourself. Okay?” 

“Sure. Yeah… Do you need a condom, or anything?” 

Jessica rolls her eyes. “Shut the fuck up.” 

Not even seconds later, after exchanging one word with the receptionist, Jessica comes back with a scowl. 

“He’s gay,” she says. “He’s, like, _super_ gay. Like James Corden gay.” 

Justin makes a face. “James Corden isn’t gay. He’s just annoying.” 

Ignoring the comment, Jessica raises an eyebrow at him. “Well….”

“Well what?” He asks. “Can’t we go to the next fancy hotel?” 

“No, this is the fanciest one. So get your ass to the front desk and flirt with that gay guy and find out what the most expensive – _empty_ – room is.” Justin looks over at the desk, the young guy is currently on the phone. 

“Really?” He sighs, turning back to Jessica.

“Do you want to fuck me or not?” She asks with her arms folded. 

“He’s not even cute. I’m way out his league. There’s no way he’s gonna believe I’m serious.” 

Jessica scowls. “I don’t care. Just go.” 

Justin turns to leave but Jessica grabs a hold of his arm for one moment, pulling him closer to tease. “Do you need a condom, or anything?” She whispers with a grin. 

“No,” he whispers back, quickly matching her wit. “It’s probably just gonna be a quick handjob and some mouth action – _if_ I get lucky.” 

Jessica tries not to give him the satisfaction of her laughter. “I hate you,” she deadpans. “I really can’t stand you.” 

“Uh huh, sure. I’m going to go flirt now. I’ll be right back.” He takes her hand from his arm, “Maybe.” he adds with a wink before turning around. Jessica sits down in a chair and watches as her boyfriend makes his way to the front desk. She pretends to scroll through her phone when she’s actually watching Justin. He leans on the desk with his chin in the palm of his hand, looking around until the young man hangs up the phone. For a couple seconds he manages to act professional, treating Justin like any regular customer until the young man’s whole face turns pink. 

She’s trying not to listen but she manages to hear him say “Oh my God…” as he shakes his head at Justin, smiling. Justin brings the attention back to him, talks to the guy some more for a few minutes and eventually motions to the many keys on the wall behind the counter. The worker pauses, looking at Justin who breaks out a charming smile before taking out a few pieces of paper while looking at something on his laptop. 

Justin looks over to her and nods his head subtly at her before saying something else to the young man as they share a laugh as he slides Justin a room key, then a small white piece of paper that makes Jessica giggle under her breath. 

He did it.

With one last smile at the worker, Justin takes the key and walks toward the elevator, followed moments later by Jessica, trying to remain casual. 

She hits the button to go up, standing beside Justin and trying not to look as though she knows him. “Did he seriously give you his number?” 

Justin shrugs. “Maybe.” 

Jessica’s brow goes up. “Wow,” she remarks, “maybe we should invite your new boyfriend up to join us.” 

As the elevator doors open, Justin is smirking. “Oh shit,” he mumbles, following her inside and slamming the button to the top floor, “that’s exactly what I forgot to ask him.” 

Jessica snorts with sarcasm. “Hah, you’re very funny.” 

Once they reach the top floor the elevator dings and they follow the long, winding corridor until they find number 69, which had to be a joke by way of Justin’s new boyfriend. 

“Holy shit,” Jessica gasps, “this room is really nice. Justin you should flirt with guys more often if it gets us perks like this.” She stares around the room. “Look, they have a fucking chandelier and– Oh my God, Justin there is candy on the pillows. Holy shit!” Jessica looks over at Justin, who rather than taking in the room is trying not to laugh at her excitement. “Wait, is the honeymoon suite or some shit?” 

“I don’t know, maybe? I wasn’t paying that much attention when the dude gave me the room key.”

Jessica smirks. “Well, you were quite convincing.”

* * *

  
  


Amber is the first waitress their eyes settle on as she’s walking around the clean, classically themed restaurant. She makes small talk with customers while collecting their empty glasses and piling them on a tray. 

She hasn’t seen them yet and once Justin starts to freak out, thinking of the moment she will, he finds himself frozen in place until Jessica takes his hand and rubs his back. They start to walk toward her, Amber’s back is facing them and it looks like she’s headed to the back of the dinner. Justin picks up the pace and they’re so close to her. He has to say something. 

“Mom.” he blurts out. She hears him and stops before slowly turning around. 

Amber looks completely bewildered, standing ahead of them in her waitress uniform, a tray of empty martini glasses in her hand. “How did you find me?” She asks. That wasn’t the first question Jessica expected to come out of Amber’s mouth, Justin had anticipated it though. He was used to her saying the first thing that popped into her mind.

“Jess did. Her dad was watching the news channel and they were doing a report on that robbery here a few days ago. You were in the background, serving drinks and taking orders while she was talking. Jess noticed, and she sent it to me. Then she convinced me to come here.” 

Amber’s eyes move from Justin over to Jessica’s. She gives her a small nod. “Oh, I remember you. Shit. Are you two _still_ dating? I-” She’s interrupted by a customer calling her. “I...I have to go. I have to work.” Adjusting the tray in her hands, she clears her throat. It’s obvious she doesn’t want them to be here. It’s obvious she would do anything to delay this confrontation. “You two can sit over there at that empty booth. We’ll talk once I get a spare moment.” They both watch as Amber puts on a shaky smile and walks away. 

“You know,” Jessica drawls, “I that’s the most she’s ever said to me before.”

Justin shrugs “Yeah.” 

He takes her hand and they make their way over to the booth. Another waiter comes by the table and slides them both a menu, Jessica says a quick ‘thank you’ before she looks over the items, occasionally taking a peek at Justin, who has taken no interest in anything other than the exact location of Amber in the expansive diner.

As he’s drumming his hands lightly on the table, Jessica breaks the silence. “So, are you hungry? We could split something. As long as it’s not burgers and fries I’ll be good…” His expression doesn’t even look as though he’s registered her voice. “Justin, you okay?” 

“Sure we can share. Whatever you want is fine.”

With a huff Jessica places the menu down in front of her. “What’s wrong?” She asks. 

Justin shrugs, making that face as if he’s totally, completely, absolutely, _perfectly_ fine. “What’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong. I’m… I’m good. I’m great, actually.” 

Jessica tilts her head. “You’re great?” She echoes. 

“Uh huh. Great.” She watches as he scratches his cheek, his eyes darting around the restaurant. Jessica glances over the fancy items on the menu, a place as nice as this had to be serving food that matched. She wondered how a place like this was hiring a woman on the run. A woman whose past was far from clean. 

Jessica sat in silence just… wondering.

“Did she look high to you?” Justin eventually asks, his stare still fixated on Amber across the room, and from what Jessica can see it’s not a secret to anybody in the restaurant. 

“I don’t know,” Jessica says. “I didn’t get a good look but I don’t think so.” 

He sighs, as if that weren’t the answer he wanted. “She doesn’t,” he agrees. 

“Okay. Well, that’s a good thing isn’t it?” She pushes the menu to the other side of the table, waiting for a response. When she doesn’t get one she reaches over to touch his hand. 

“Justin, you’re gonna have to stop staring. She said she’ll come over when she gets a free chance. Don’t psych yourself out.” 

“She _says_ a lot of shit Jess. Don’t hold your breath waiting.” 

Jessica rolls her eyes. “What is with you?” She asks. “I know you’re worried but… Can you just, for like one second, take a moment and realise that just because she was the reason we came, doesn’t mean she has to be the reason tomorrow.”

His face contorts. “What does that mean?” 

“It means if you wanna walk out of here right now – you can. If you wanna drill her with questions until she cries – you can. This is about you, and up to this point we’ve had a good time. Far far away from everybody who talks about us like we’re…”

“Evil?”

“Yeah.” 

He chuckles under his breath for a second. “I do wanna do this,” he tells her. “I do. I wanna be here, Jess. And we have had fun so far. I just… I hope _she_ doesn’t ruin it.” 

Jessica smiles. “Then let's make a game plan.” She rips a napkin from its holder and pulls a pen out of her bag. “Game plan. What questions do you wanna ask her?” 

“I’m gonna ask why she’s here. Like, why fucking Vegas?” 

Jessica scribbles the question down. “And?” 

“Why hasn’t she tried to contact me, like, at all.” 

Nodding, Jessica writes that one down too. 

“... Why she didn’t run away with me.” He looks down at his hands. “Not that I’m surprised.” 

Jessica shrugs her shoulders, as if to ease his worry. “She probably panicked. And you were in juvie.” 

“She was gone long before I was in juvie. She wanted to get away from me long before I was a problem… She never wanted me.” 

“Ask her that.”

“What?” 

“Ask her,” Jessica insists. “Ask her about all of it. Everything that happened. The drugs. The men. That fucking meth dealer who beat you…” She looks him in the eyes, fire raging behind her own in righteous pain for someone who was not herself for once. “Justin you never have to see her again if you don’t want to. Don’t let anything go unsaid. Just speak your mind.” 

“I wanna remember my life the way it was. I don’t need to hear what she has to say.” He says it as though his childhood was something fond, not nightmare fuel. “I feel like the truth is worse than everything that happened. I was just a stupid kid, and stupid kids don’t understand things. I don’t need more reasons to feel like shit. I’ve got plenty already.” 

As Jessica reaches across the table for his hand, Justin jolts to sit up straight in the seat opposite. “She’s looking,” he whispers in a rush. “She’s coming.” Jessica jumps up and climbs over to wedge herself in the booth beside him. Belligerent, he shuffles over and their sides are pressed so tight and close together, he can almost touch her. 

Opposite them Amber takes a slow and hesitant seat. “So,” she drawls. “What’s this about?” 

“What are you doing in _Vegas_?” Justin asks with an accusatory tone. Why did anybody come to Vegas?

“I needed to get out of Evergreen,” she said, “and Vegas is the perfect place for people like me.”

Justin scoffed. “The drugs. The alcohol. The men.”

“No,” Amber argues. “People trying to start over. People trying to not be found.” 

Nonchalantly, Justin shrugs, his attitude returning. “You could have just fled the country. I hear Europe treats people like you pretty good.” 

“People like us,” she says in a hiss, “don’t act like you’re any different, baby. Like mother, like son. The junkie apple doesn’t fall far from the junkie tree.” 

With an eye roll, Justin looks around the restaurant. It’s nice. Too nice. “How’d you even get working here anyway? You do have a criminal record.” 

“Told ‘em I was somebody else. Got a fake ID and forged some documents. Sarah Wilson. I’m from Florida.” 

Under her breath Jessica snorts a laugh. “Sounds about right.” 

Amber glares from under her brow. “They would never have given me a job if they knew the truth. And if I worked somewhere that takes in ex-cons… Seth would know people. He knows everybody. Soon enough he’d find me.” 

“Well he found me,” Justin insists. “And he blackmailed me. Is that what you wanted? You escaped and I didn’t, so now it’s my problem that your shitty boyfriend is–”

“You. Stole. The. Money. That’s not my problem.” 

“But you told me to leave.” 

Amber sighs. “And that was a mistake.” 

Justin’s eyes roll so far back, Jessica’s brow crumples in comical disgust. “Mistake? _Mistake_? If it was so much of a mistake why have you never tried to contact me? I was in juvie for a whole fucking month. I got six fucking months probation. And where were you? Off in fucking Vegas doing coke and fucking more guys for more meth, huh? Am I right, or am I wrong?” 

“You’re wrong.” 

“How?” 

She glances over her son, a brand new, unrecognisably shiny new son who is absolutely not her own, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t ask why he looks the way he does, why his hair isn’t shaggy and messy, or why he looks like he’s eaten more in the last few months than he has his entire life. She doesn’t care. 

She doesn’t want him. She never wanted him. 

He seems better off when she’s not around. 

But it doesn’t take much of a glance from an eye that has seen it all to recognise the tiredness and the bags under his eyes – not of sleep deprivation, just because. Or the way he shakes, the way his leg bounces under the table, not from nerves, from something much more frightening. 

Amber knows. 

“Baby,” she says in a quiet voice, “I don’t care where you came from but I suggest you go back there. I’m finally a new person, a better person. Being away from you has made me better. I get to start over. And as long as you were in my life I would never be able to truly start over. That’s why I didn’t run away with you. And it’s why I wouldn’t let you run away with me. Because it gives you the chance to start over too. And I could only ever bring you down. I’m not a mother. I’m a burden. I ruined your life.” 

Justin scoffs a laugh. “Fuck this,” he mutters. He pushes on Jessica’s hips, then her arms, then her whole body, urging her to move out of his way so he can get out of the booth. In a rush, she slides off and he gets out and walks straight off through the doors they came through and disappears into the night. 

Jessica’s eyes slide back to Amber who is watching her nails in shame, almost like she expected his reaction, like she had planned it. She was a cruel woman who only knew how to break her son’s heart and very little else. 

“That was shitty,” Jessica said to her. “That was really fucking shitty. We sat in a car for ten fucking hours to come and see you. Because he wanted answers. Because you abandoned him. But you’re right, he’s doing better. By chance. He has a new life – a way better one. And it’s not because you left him. It’s because no matter how bad you fucked up when he was a kid, he was still a good person. That’s not yours to take credit for. It’s despite you.” 

She turns on her heel and follows the way Justin went. She opens up the glass doors and walks out into the spitting rain on an entryway illuminated by streetlights and cars parked in rows of bright lights. 

She spots him standing under the cover, staring into the darkness of night. 

“Come on,” Jessica says, passing him and taking hold of his arm. “Let’s go.” 

“Where? It’s almost midnight.” 

She ignores him. “Just shut up and follow me.” 

She leads him back to the car, her taking up the drivers seat this time as Justin sits in silence and she drives through the late night streets of Vegas. It’s a thriving metropolis inner city, where the casinos and the shiny lights decorate the Las Vegas strip but as she drives on and on, past the gamblers and the drunks, they begin to quieten down. She pulls up at a lonely diner. A slow one like the ones truckers stop at for a cup of coffee at 5am when they’re making their rounds. 

They walk in and Jessica points to a booth up the back. “Sit,” she commands, and Justin, knowing that Jessica has everything under control, does exactly as she says. Jessica goes to the counter and whispers to the woman working late. She asks for a sundae, chocolate sauce, marshmallows and whipped cream. “Whatever you can make,” she says, “just make it.” 

Sliding into the booth in the back of the diner, opposite Justin’s absent expression, Jessica raises her brow. “Hungry?”

“What are we doing here?” He asks. “I just wanna go to sleep so it’s tomorrow and we can go the fuck home.”

She tilts her head. “The first time my dad didn’t come home from work, my mom took me to this little diner in New Jersey – that was where we lived when I was eight – and she sat me down and we just talked it out. All of it. And she still does that. My dad does too. When they fight. When I’m having trouble with something. When Bryce did what he did. When I started dating. It was always to the diner we would go – that was where honesty lived. Somewhere that made you realise the world is bigger than that house you live in, and that school you go to and those dreams you have. There’s a whole wide world out there. And you can’t let petty people ruin it for you.” 

She lets them sit in silence for a moment. “So talk to me. Tell me what’s going through your head.” 

Staring down into his lap, Justin stays quiet. 

“Tell me,” she urges. “Tell me and we can leave everything here in Vegas. What happens in Vegas _stays_ in Vegas.” 

He shrugs. “I just feel like my mom ‘s wrong. It doesn’t matter that she’s gone. I’m still a fuck-up. I’m still just like her. I made those same mistakes.”

“But you can get better,” Jessica told him. “That’s the only difference that matters. She takes her pain and she hurt you with it. You take that and you end that cycle. It’s about recovery. It’s about… It’s about putting yourself first, and knowing you only deserve what you’re willing to put in. You’re not a bad person. You’re just hurting. There’s a huge difference.” 

He stares down at his hands. “You ever feel like… Like the whole world is just waiting for you to fuck up? Like, like just everybody – all day long. Watching you.” Jessica’s response doesn’t come and he continues. “Like, they’re just looking at you and shit, and they’re thinking _wow, how long until he’s using again? How long ‘till he ends up a complete waste of space like his mom? How long ‘till he’s lying in the fucking gutters high off his face because someone laced his shit with fentanyl, and you know what? He just didn’t fucking care anymore_. Do they ever look at you like that?” 

“Yeah,” she says. “They do. Walking those hallways and knowing that the one thing everybody in the entire school knows about me is my name and what happened to me that night at the party. The same way they know what you’re shooting is the same way they know who raped me. You think it’s easy for me? Because I feel like everybody is waiting for me to fuck up too. You’re not alone in that feeling. Every day I know they’re waiting for me to make some dumb decision and for my reputation to go down in flames so I can be… so, I don’t have to be their pity party. So they don’t have to feel bad for me. They want an excuse to hate me because I’m loud and I’m a total fucking bitch, but everything I say is right and true. They just wanna see me fuck up so they don’t have to listen.” 

“They don’t wanna see you fuck up, Jess,” he says. “Nobody wants that.” She cocks her head at him, staring him down until he understands, but even when he does, she isn’t getting anything from him. “It’s different,” he tells her. “You’re a victim, and they look at me like I’m the one who hurt you, ‘cause I did. But you’re perfect, and there will always be people who want you to succeed.” 

She scoffs, her laughter turning to a smile. “What is it with you and thinking that I’m in any way _perfect_? I’m not. I’m as flawed as you are. It’s just that I don’t walk around with those flaws on my sleeve. I take them and I fucking deal with them. I don’t…” 

She stops.

“You don’t what?” He asks, intrigued as he knows exactly what she was about to say. “You don’t what, Jess? You don’t shoot heroin? You don’t live on the streets? You don’t run away from home?” 

From his tone she can tell he isn’t upset. He was just… used to it. 

“I wasn’t going to say that,” she tells him. 

“Then what were you going to say?” 

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t even know. I don’t know what to say to you, Justin. I have no fucking idea, okay? I’m as lost as you are with all this. It’s not like I have experience with this.” 

“What’s _this_?” He asks, his tone getting darker. 

“You know what _this_ is,” she says. “Don’t play dumb with me.” 

“Say it,” he tells her. “Say it, Jess.” 

“No.” 

He scoffs a laugh. “You wanna call me a junkie so fucking bad, don’t you? Just do it. Who the fuck cares anymore?” 

Jessica’s eyes roll so far back into her head she can’t believe it. She cackles a mocking, sarcastic laugh that would have grabbed the attention of the entire diner were it not nearly empty. “You’re a fucking mess,” she says. “That’s all I’ll call you. You know why?” 

“Why?” 

“Because you’re sitting here begging for me to hurt you so you can justify why you feel like shit – because it’s addictive. Not just the drugs but the justification for the drugs. You told me just today that your mom doesn’t need a reason to use. You want a reason to use because you know you’re not a lost cause, you just don’t know how to ask for help.” 

He laughs, cold, unfeeling. Most of all, seen. 

“You want me to call you a junkie because you don’t think you’re one. You won’t think you’re one until I tell you that. But I would never tell you that. That’s where this whole thing turns to shit, because I love you, but you’re never gonna feel loved because you’re always gonna be harbouring this shame that you’re afraid of me seeing. It’s a cycle. You’re ashamed of it so you don’t tell me, and you don’t think I know the real you, so you think I don’t love you… So you use. And then you’re ashamed again.” 

“It’s more than that,” he insists. 

“I know it’s more than that. I’m just talking about us. You and me. I know there’s other factors, but you don’t tell me about those either. You just bottle it up and up. You don’t let anyone in, least of all me–”

“Most of all you,” he interjects, his head hanging and his voice quiet. “Of everything that there is… I tell you the most.” Taken aback, Jessica stays silent after that. Watching him. Waiting. “Jess,” he whispers. “Is our relationship a secret because of Bryce, or because of who I am as a person?” She waits in silence, unsure how to answer when he looks up at her and smiles. “That’s a trick question,” he says. “‘Cause Bryce was my fault. So either way… You’re ashamed of me because I’m, like…” He trails off and Jessica wonders if he’ll find the words he’s looking for or if he’s waiting for her to answer it herself.

She sighs, folding her arms over her chest. “I don’t wanna do this again,” she says. “We just did this. I get it. You’re putting your entire worth on what I say to you. Whether I call you a junkie or I tell you I love you. And guess what? I do love you. And that has nothing to do with Bryce, or the drugs, or the fact that your mom fucking sucks ass. It has to do with you. And the fact that none of that defines you. Imagine if you looked at me, and all you loved was a rape victim? Like, that’s all I was to you. It’s not, is it? You’re not an addict to me, or a stupid kid making stupid drunk decisions. You’re just… complicated.” 

“Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?” 

“I don’t know.” 

The waitress slides a sundae in front of them, and Jessica pushes over a ten dollar bill. It’s all she’s got left. Then she digs a spoon in and begins to eat, not bothered to put anymore energy back into the conversation Justin was trying to turn into an argument. 

“I love you,” she tells him, looking up into his eyes for a moment. 

He returns her stare, just as mysterious, just as looming as her own. 

“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> support more of my writing. check out This Is Me Trying on Wattpad (link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/246628406-this-is-me-trying) 
> 
> a story very akin to jessica and justin's where a high school senior is a the victim of rape at a party and two months later she comes to find her classmate/rapist is murdered. imagine a story where jessica davis and justin foley are in a healthy romantic relationship, depression is taken seriously and maddy perez from euphoria is their best friend. :)

**Author's Note:**

> part two coming soon
> 
> let us know if we did good.
> 
> ((also new episode of Euphoria. be there or die by my sword.)
> 
> (I ship Rue with SOBRIETY!!) -Virginia


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